Every now and then, even polite Canadians reach their breaking point. I wrote this excerpt one day when I’d had it with being teased for being overly apologetic, and for pronouncing “house” like “hoose” (which, for the record, is the correct way of saying it!).
By the way, Justin Trudeau really did use the phrase “sunny ways” after he was elected as our esteemed prime minister. Nope, none of us understand what the heck he was getting at, but at least his hair is always perfect.
The smarmy ticket agent leered. “Canadian, eh? No need to apologize.” He chortled in a very downstairs kind of Upstairs, Downstairs way.
Joss fumed. Why were her colonial roots always such an issue with these Brits? As for the Americans—well, she wouldn’t even go there.
He winked. “You must be funny. Like Jim Carrey.”
Her eyelid twitched. “Yes, I’m a merry, apologetic prankster, like absolutely every other Canadian.”
“How ʼbout those Leafs?”
“Go, Leafs, go,” Joss answered mechanically.
It was too late. She squinched her butt cheeks together, but in spite of all her efforts, she began to transform. Her arms sprouted Canada goose feathers. Her derriere, searing with pain, demolished the seat of her jeans by thrusting out a giant, flat tail. And her head—horrors! It transformed from that of a pretty young woman to that of—could it really be?—a blandly handsome Justin Trudeau.
“Have a nice day, eh,” Joss/Justin said. Deploying her leathery beaver tail, she slapped the ticket out of the stunned agent’s hand. Feathers flew.
As she boarded the train, the other tubers shrank back. A teenager pointed in horror at her, then fainted.
Joss honked out a chuckle. “Sunny ways, you priggish gits, sunny ways.”